I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize