I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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