having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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