please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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