be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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