Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize