Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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