i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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