all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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