Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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