i think my tv is drunk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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