spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Success! We fucked roommates!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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