i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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