Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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