How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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