I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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