i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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