she was so not down for the gang bang
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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