I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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