There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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