I think I died a long time ago.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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