Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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