Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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