I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize