I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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