BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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