He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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