What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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