I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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