I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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