her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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