guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize