i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize