dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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