Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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