I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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