It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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