Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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