Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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