The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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