so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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