dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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