kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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