there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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