just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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