Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mom said you looked used
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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