walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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