pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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