coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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