So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
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I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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