The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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