I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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