my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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